Heart Hawk

Sometimes I like to sketch things out on my ipad to use as reference for paintings or drawings I want to do, but in this case I really liked how the digital version came out, and could not choose between the two so I decided to use them both.

The hawk is my Dearly Beloved’s spirit animal, and this is a symbol of our love.

 

 

Crazy Cat Lady

I have a crazy cat lady for a neighbor, now of course I like cats, and am not bothered by cats, I have three of my own, though I can never keep track of exactly how many cats she has, they don’t bother me, and they all appear to be well fed, well groomed, healthy clean animals, so I take no issue with her having several cats. The reason why I call her crazy cat lady is because in addition to having a rather large number of cats, she also is crazy and not because she has a lot of cats.

First of all she is one of those neighbors that actually wants to be friendly and try and engage her neighbors socially, which to the normal person might not sound like a terrible thing, but to someone like me it is undesirable. For me the perfect neighborly relationship is one in which maybe if I happened to see them outside I might nod in their direction (or possibly if I am feeling particularly generous wave at them) but beyond I can carry on oblivious to their existence.

But in addition to the fact that she does try to force her presence onto me she does do things that just make you think WTF! What moderately sane person would do something like that?

To give an example, up against our fence between our yard and hers we have a salvia plant gowning, and one day she was learning over the fence and picking flowers from the plant. And it is just like do you not understand the concept and purpose of a fence? This isn’t some sort of communal garden. Yeah if part of the plant is extending into the other person’s yard they have the right to cut it if they want, but just because it happens to be next to your yard doesn’t mean you can help yourself.

On the side of our house that is next to her house we have a few bird feeders which we use especially during the winter (Not that California really has winter any more) to put out bird seed for the local birds. So one day I happened to notice there was piles of bread on top of the fence, of which I can only presume the neighbor had set out there for the birds.

But first of all, don’t leave your old stale food on top of our fence, thank you very much, and second of all, bread isn’t even good for birds anyway.

Then one day when I was out taking my walk I noticed next to her driveway at the end of it on the other side of her house (the side farthest from us, next to her other neighbors) there was this plastic dish which had some old food sitting in it, it seemed to be kind of weird, but maybe someone was eating outside or something and set it down than forgot about it. So it was strange, but not really something to give much thought to. But than I started to notice on a daily basis, the same dish still there in the same spot, but with seemingly different bits of old food in it.

I cannot even beginning to come up with an explanation for why someone would just leave scarps of food to rot on their property. It is utterly and completely baffling, and somewhat disturbing really.

And I am pretty sure they are Christians so I don’t think they practice any form of ancestral worship in which one of their customs is to leave out offerings of food to appease she spirits (which is the only explanation I could come up with which might possibly at least make some sense)

Or to be fair they may be feeding their pet invisible pig, or they are plagued with a haunting from a ghost pig.

Heart of the Hawk

The hawk takes flight
as a dream
and I am grounded
while I watch
yet it is he who balances me,
gives me a center,
it is like a cord binds us
his flight above
keeps me from falling
too far below.

But too soon
he begins to fade
becoming
lost with the wind
for he must always
journey with his heart,
though he knows
that here he will
have a home
for an eternity.

Your Voice

Your voice alone
has power over me,
sending tidal waves
rippling through me.

I want to drown
within your cadences,
be consumed by your
vowels, and syllables,
every subtle infliction.

Your words
leave me insatiable,
how can there ever be
enough to quench my hunger.

Your laughter
thunders through me,
and I love the raw masculinity,
with underlining tenderness,
irresistible roguishness.

I want to close my eyes
and sigh while I absorb
your speech through
my every pore,
feel it sink through the
depths of my skin
where it becomes
a caress.

A Question of Perspective

I was out on the front lawn petting my cat, and along the edge of the lawn there was this trail of ants and my cats tail was in the middle of their trail and every now and than my cat would start to sweep his tail back and forth sending the ants scattering and causing them disarray and chaos.

Watching this really made me think of our Bigfoots, Loch Ness Monsters, Aliens and UfOs because from the point of view of the ants this cat tail that keeps sweeping through the middle of their path must appear like some sort of monstrous being which is seemingly attacking them for no apparent reason.

Or, we have these two little trees in the backyard in barrels, and the ants like to live in the trees and when it it is time to water them the ants start pouring out of the barrels in droves carrying their eggs and food and what not, and a part of me feels sorry for them because I don’t mean to disrupt their home, but the trees need water, but it is also fascinating to watching and it does make me feel God-like. Not in some egotistical, sadistic sort of way, but just thinking about what it must be like from the ants point of view.

They probably are not aware of the fact that they are living in a tree that needs to be watered, so they are probably just thinking “ahhh its the flood again, the flood” and I am like this giant inconceivable being to them that has the ability to control their environment and reek havoc upon them and cause these “natural disasters.”

Thinking of all the things we do intentionally or unintentionally that must be so baffling to other living creatures and yet have such a significant impact upon their existence really puts things in a different perspective for me when I think of all the things which happen to us that we cannot provide a rational explanation for.

What would we see if we could see the full picture?

Maybe we are just ants to some race of giants which are beyond our ability to conceive of, and they periodically do things, perhaps sometimes just to amuse themselves, and perhaps just in the course of their daily lives that impact us and they are up their laughing at us thinking what silly, foolish creatures they are.

And in the eyes of the universe we really are just ants.

Love

The thing about love is that we come alive in bodies not our own.

From Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

The Arisen

I wanted to create my own vampire but I didn’t want your typical, stereotypical, traditional sort of vampire. I thought it would be really cool to make the vampire look almost like an alien sort of creature, a truly otherworldly being.

I have to say I am very pleased with how it turned out, and I think it looks pretty amazingly awesome. I could totally see this in some movie.

Going Down the Rabbit Hole of the Internet

I am sure most of you are familiar with the website About.Com, so they have this newsletter you can sign up for in which they will send you a new classical poem every day which I am signed up for, and for some reason periodically I will just stop receiving the poems and will have to resubscribe (even though I never told it to unsubscribe me) in order to start getting them to send me poems again, but when you just go to About. com, it is near impossible to find where you actually go to sign up for the newsletter.

I went to Google and typed in the search About.com Classical Poem Daily and this entry came up that said Classical Poem Daily About.com from this website called Stormfront, so I clicked on it because I was curious what it was, and it ended up taking me  to what appeared to be some sort of Neo-Nazi forum board (Ok I don’t know if they where in fact actual Neo-Nazi’s but there was a little thing on the top of the forum board that said something about White Pride)  in which one of the members apparently just happened to be a fan of classical poetry and would post the poems on the forum board.

So that turned out to be an interesting little detour. You never know when searching the seemingly simplest, or most benign or unlikely things just what will turn up and where it will take you.

Needless to say I did eventually end up finally figuring out where to go to actually sign myself back up for the newsletter again.

 

If you think of the world…

What can I say but I have always believed this to be true.

 

“If you think of the world without people it’s about the most perfect thing there ever is. It’s all balanced and shit. But then come the people, and they fuck it up”

~Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

First and Last

“Boys always want to be first with girls and girls always want to be last with boys”

I happened upon this quote in a book and I think there is a lot of truth in the words, and I wanted to write something encompassing that idea.

I know it might sound old fashioned but I also think there is a beauty sort of symmetry and balance in the idea.

First and Last

Let us come together
as Alpha and Omega.

I will come to you
as one of the Vestal Virgins,
as a Daughter or Artemis,
to be yours completely,
utterly, entirely,
my skin to know your touch,
and yours alone.

Since the moment
my soul awakened into life
I have waited for the day
that you would find me,
the Goddess whispered
in my ear, granting me
visions in my dreams
to implore me to patience.

Proudly I waited,
now I take your hand in mine,
where bliss awaits
beneath the watching moon.

And in finding me
you will have reached
the end of your journey,
for with me your heart will have
found its home.

You will wander no more
unless it is with me by your side,
not even the beauty of the stars
above will draw your eyes
from mine.

As our bodies join together
it will be both first and last,
it will mark the moment
that we shall forge are forever
locked within eternal embrace.