Grab Bag Shopping

I don’t normally order clothes online because I usually prefer to try them on and such first, but as it happens I was in need of some particular items, I will not go into details as to what, because they are of a personal/intimate nature (you can use your imagination) and I had some gift cards from Target and didn’t feel like going to the store so I figured it would be easier and more convenient to get it online because I knew the size I wanted.

So I find what I am looking for and order it, and it came today except for the fact that it was not the color I had ordered (or thought I had ordered) of all things it came in PINK!!!! (shudders) needless to say that color is utterly and completely unacceptable. Just about any other color they sent me I would have been able to make due with, I mean it is not like many other people are going to be seeing it. But PINK?

No I could not stomach the idea of wearing that even if I was the only one who knew I was wearing it.

It wasn’t tell after I had received and had my excitement at receiving utterly dashed when I opened up the package, and than began the process of figuring out how to return that I noticed that it says next to the item in parentheses colors may vary. I don’t recall seeing that when I first ordered the item, though I suppose it could have been there and I just didn’t really pay attention.

But I think that is completely bogus, ordering something online shouldn’t be any different than buying it in the store. If they don’t have certain colors available they shouldn’t show pictures of that color on the website. You should be able to get exactly what you are paying for. When you go into the store and you pick out what you want and go up to the counter to pay for it, they don’t than reach into some grab bag and pick out some other completely random color and tell you, here this is what you get instead.

So they shouldn’t do that when you order online. The color you pick out on their website should be the color in which you receive. They shouldn’t take it upon themselves to send whatever the hell random color they feel like sending you.

Needless to say now after I send the item back I am going to have to go to the store to buy what  I want because I don’t dare try to reorder it online because who knows what they will send me next, though it is hard to imagine anything worse than pink.

 

 

You Captured My Breath

I watched my breath tumble from my lips,
drops of life escaping out of me,
quivering in the air, it is the moment
I know that I have no control,
a soul that will not be contained.

And I saw you there, standing
upon the other side of the
invisible veil of my essence,
I watched as your fingers
touched the air, feeling the last traces
of warmth.

I felt your fingers brush against
something deep within me,
like an unraveled thread you found
the loosened end, gradually with
artful confidence you draw me in.

While you wind the tendrils
of my soul around your fingers
there remains nothing I can do,
with staggering breath I find myself
gravitating to you.

You held my breath within the
palm of your hand, that small
ethereal ball of my life force,
without hesitation you swallowed it.

A part of me remains devoured
within you, leaving me fused
to your fate, but in this you have
irreversibly interwoven your life
with mine.

The Weight of You

I want to feel your weight
press against me
until my ribs begin to crack.

I need assurance
of the reality of your
solidness.

Fearfully I wait for you
to dissolve through my
fingertips like a lifting fog.

So I crave to be crushed
beneath you until the very
air escapes my lungs
and I struggle to draw breath.

I will know then that
you are living flesh
and not some phantom dream
but something which I can
sink my teeth into,
grasp within my hands
without fear of finding
nothing but empty space.

Love On A Moonlit Night

The moon hung low over us,
a finger of light,
slender sickle shape slicing
through the night,
a remembrance of death,
the reapers sign.

Naked beneath her winking eye,
the cold kiss of death,
the chill winter winds
only elates me to take
the greater joy for life
and the feel of your beating heart
close to my skin.

Desperately I want nothing
more than to cling myself to you,
we will rejoice within each other
recklessly, laughingly, and defy
our fates to the stars as our fingers
weave together we shall weave
our lives into one.

The moons scythe-like hook
is transformed into Mother Crone’s grin,
watching her children play
she is not yet so far removed from love,
she harbors not regret nor resentment,
but offers her blessing silently.

Yet we remain aware only
of one another, for with every
breath remaining to me,
I want to spend with you.

Knife Throwing Adventures

As is often the case with life things always seem so much simpler in your head than they often turn out to be in real life. I made my way up to the park quite proud of my little makeshift target only to discover that the tree of which I originally had intended to tie it too was too fat and the string length I had estimated the day before was not quite long enough. So then I had to find a new tree to mount my target too which ought to be simple enough but there are a few factors to consider. 1. Of course the tree cannot be too thick around 2. It has to be a relatively straight tree for the target to hang correctly. 3. It needs to be in a nice open area with a straight shot to the target and nothing that could obscure the aim or the throw.

After a bit of accessing I find what seems to be the perfect tree. I tie up my target, and it looks good, I like the height of it, ok I am ready to go, so I set up and begin throwing my knives, which bounce off the target and fall into the grass and low and behold I did not anticipate how difficult it would be to find my knives in the overgrown grass.

I walk up to retrieve them, and well they seem to be no where in sight. Of course I know they have to be around there somewhere, they didn’t just vanish, and they didn’t go that far. I find the first one, and I keep looking and cannot find the second one. I tell myself that I know it has to be here somewhere, and I tell myself not to panic, I try to come up with a systematic way to search and then ahah! I find the second one. Ok, one more, I am looking, and looking, I know it has to be there and yet, I cannot find it. Ok, I am starting to freak out. I am determined I am not going to leave until I have all three of them, no matter how long it takes. I refocus, I figure out a plan for searching so I don’t end up just aimlessly wandering around, and finally I find the last of them.

After that I decide I need a new spot for my target. I have to go somewhere with more dirt and less tall grass. So I go to untie my target and I cannot get the knot out. I try a few times, and get frustrated, and think well if I have to I can just cut it. Problem with that, throwing knives do not have sharp edges, they are not meant for cutting and slashing, they are meant for piercing, they have dull edges and a sharp point. So trying to cut a piece of string with a throwing knife is rather counter productive, but none the less I manage.

Ok, I get my target down, find a nice good tree to use close to where my original spot I wanted was, remount my target, and I am good to go, I begin to throw, and my knives keep bouncing off the target, I can see them hitting the target with the flat of the blade. I am baffled by this. I know I cannot be throwing that bad. I don’t like throwing at trees, but I needed to access what was going on and figure out if the problem was in my form, or if the target itself was somehow faulty.

I find a good tree and begin to throw and BAM! BAM! the first two knives stick with ease, no problem, good throws, better than I did the day before. OK, I go back to my target, use the same form, and throw, and…..nothing……the blade goes zonky again. I am thinking the problem must be with the target. It is just a cardboard box tied with string to a tree. I don’t think it was firm or stable enough for the blades to stick. What I think was happening, because I know they where hitting the target is, that when the points touched, instead of sticking in, the blades just flopped over and than fell to the ground.

Monday I will have to go back up and see if I can rig up a better target to use. I did just have pizza for dinner and I have read that pizza boxes make good targets, maybe I will take that up there and see what I can do with it.

So after that I begin to head off back on my way home. Along the path that  I walk there is this Styrofoam cup that is turned upside down on this metal post in the field. I have made it a personal goal of mine to be able to nail the cup with one shot. So everyday I walk by I will throw one of my knives at it, until I hit it. Needless to say today I missed.

Now when I headed off on my walk early in the morning it was foggy and chilly out, so I have this pair of black fingerless gloves of which I was wearing that I took off for my knife throwing, and in the course of searching for my lost knives completely forget about. I am more than halfway home when suddenly I stop I remember I left my gloves in the park. So I have to walk all the way back to the park to retrieve them.

 

I Throw Knives

I have recently taken up a new hobby, which is actually something I have been interested in for a very long time, knife throwing. Why knife throwing some silly person might ask, when the answer is obvious…..because it is awesome, and it makes you bad ass, and in some situations it could prove to have a practical use. It is good to have a wide variety of resourceful skills.

Last year I ordered a set of Kunai throwing knives

 

And I will say I am quite impressed with myself because the first couple of times I threw them the cord which is wrapped around the blades on two of the knives (the one the left and the one on the right) completely unraveled. I do not think that the cord actually plays a functional use for the knives, I think it is just for a soft grip and looks, but when I got home I studied the one that was still intact and rewapped the other two and I am quite impressed with how it came out. I don’t know how long it will hold up when I start to use them but it cannot be any worse than they were before.

But for the longest time since I bought them they had just been sitting on the shelf because I didn’t really have good place around the house where I could practice with them without the risk of either one of the knives going over the fence into the neighbors yard, or doing damage to the property or causing injury. There are a lot of cats, including a couple of my own around the place which could potentially get in the path of a knife that had gone awry and off target.

Finally the idea dawned on me that I could do some throwing up at the park that is down the street from my house. It is a big open area and in the mornings particularly, when I go out, it is usually deserted. There would be minimal risk of doing any damage to anyone or anything or of losing my blades.

I don’t like throwing at the trees because I feel bad about that so I rigged up this makeshift target

I am starting off with cardboard while I work on perfecting my technique, aim, accuracy, etc.. and when I get consistent I will graduate myself to using a piece of plywood to throw at. I have threaded some string to the box of which I am going to tie around one of the trees in the park and my intention is to leave it up there so I don’t have to lug it back and forth with me on a daily basis and put it back up and take it down all the time.

Hopefully no one will mess with it. I don’t know what someone would want with a box which will be full of holes by the time I am done with it, but then the things people do sometimes defies any sort of logic, reason and sense.

I will set up on Friday and see how things go, and because I don’t usually get out on my walks on the weekends hopefully when I go back out Monday it will still be there waiting for me.

I am quite excited about committing myself to a daily training with my knife throwing.

 

 

Stop Expecting the Everyone Else to Parent Your Kids For You

I was watching the Daily Show last night and Jon Stewart was interviewing Huckabee about this new book he wrote which apparently is about the differences between the cultures of the South vs the East and West coasts, and apparently one of the things he mentions in his book that Stewart talked to him about was the fact that he criticizes Beyonce for what he perceives as her lude and inappropriate behavior because she is supposed to be a roll model for young girls.

Now let me just start off by saying I am not a fan of Beyonce’s, never listened to any of her music, or watched, I don’t have anything personally against her, I just generally don’t do pop culture, and don’t much care for pop music, which I think is more about just making money than about true art and original creativity. Yeah all bands want to make money but I think some of the more underground also care about their art and their originality, but that is a different topic.

The thing I have a problem is this mentality that society has that certain individuals, entertainers, singers, personalities, athletes etc.. have this obligation as role models to their children, and thus if they act in a way that is not seen as proper behavior (or appropriate for children) they are criticized for it. But guess what all of these individuals are in fact grown adults who can conduct themselves however they want as long as they are obeying the law.

Who is it that makes Beyonce a role model for young girls? I do not think these children are driving themselves to her concerts, going to the story and using their own money to buy her music. If you do not think Beyonce conducts herself in a way that would be a good influence on your child, than don’t take your child to her concerts, or buy her music or let your kids watch her on TV. Don’t by your children clothes that look like her clothes.

Stop bitching and whining about how lude and inappropriate her behavior is, or calling her a whore, or other such insults because she embraces her sexuality as a grown woman, able to make that choice for herself, and as an entertainer who is just looking to make a profit, instead why don’t you try actually being a parent to your child instead of thinking it is everyone else’s job to set the example you want your kids to live by.

Yeah your child might be exposed to Beyonce at school and from friends, that is called life, it happens, but it isn’t the end of the world, and if you hear your kid singing Beyonce songs, or dancing like her, or begging you to take them to her concert, have an honest discussion with your kid about why you don’t really think that she is a good influence and why you don’t want her music in your house, and hey even if your kid likes her music, you can still send them the message that it doesn’t mean they should try and impersonate her behavior.

Yong girls are not going to turn into whores because they listen to Beyonce, they will turn into whores because they have crappy parents.

So stop expecting everyone else in the world to parent your child for you and getting angry at people like Beyonce while you are offended by their performance at the concert which you took your kid to. You  needed to buck up and parent your own damn kids. It isn’t anyone else’s job or responsibility or obligation.

Snake Dreams

Never forget the snakebite,
taste of venom on the lips,
like a drink from the Shaman’s cup.

Breathe in
Dreaming

I saw the serpent in the grass,
like a blade caught in the moonlight
so into the darkness I followed.

Breathe in
Dreaming

You were standing under the
Tree of Knowledge waiting in the shadow,
in your arms I found myself until
you began to squeeze, hear the sound
of my ribs begin to break as the dream
fades.

Breathe in
Dreaming

The snake was watching me with hungry eyes
and a strange sort of love it could not disguise
while I struggled for breath like a hand around
my throat, it only smiled and pulled me down
farther.

Breathe in
Dreaming

Into the darkness I was swallowed
falling into the primordial womb,
with a smell that reminded me of the tomb,
I could close my eyes and sleep forever,
like a taste from the River Lethe.

Breathe in
Dreaming

But the snake always sheds his skin
and what dies must live again,
I found myself in the middle of oblivion
but the walls where thin and when I fought
I watched my reality begin to crack,
so I emerged naked as the newly hatched.

Breathe in
Dreaming

One last sacrifice to be made
the serpent kiss upon my lips,
part my mouth so it can enter,
down my throat it will slither,
try not to choke upon the taste
a lingering death, and carnal rites.

Breathe in
Dreaming

Now the serpent coils around my heart
and I see the world through snake eyes
never again to be the same, gave my
soul primal chaos in the land
before there was man.

Breathe in
Dreaming

Burnt offerings in the fire,
a scent of flesh and bone,
makes thee predatory mouth water
time to wake from the Shaman’s Dream.

Breathe in
Dreaming

Without You I Am a Monster

I walked the path of broken glass
watching your reflection splintered
within the blood, a sacrifice never asked,
but I gave it as a catharsis for my own
pain which shrieked like the furies
within my festering soul.

In my heart there is a Kraken
tossing in a restless slumber,
awaiting to burst out, and send
tendrils of darkness beneath
my flesh.

Only your wild ocean eyes which
remind it of home and the way
your fingers like waves danced across
the harp strings to play a siren’s song
lulled it into soothing slumber.

But you have been lost somewhere
in the ether, and I would drag my monsters
into the caves of the underworld to offer up
this blood to gods and the dead if it would
call you back to me.

While you remain in purgatory
Cerberus knocks upon my skull
gnawing on my brain, my smile becomes
a soundless scream and soon I will see
the world through Medusa eyes,
all cold stone and frozen time.

Volts of Love

You held me
within jellyfish
arms.

A thousand volts
overtook me
Heaven & Hell
simultaneously.