She Waits For Him

I waited for him to come,
I could feel the aching
hallow inside of me,

yet I trembled in fear
at the thought of his fingers
upon my skin,

would the burning desire
engulf my soul
my heart chard to ashes,
my skin smoldering?

Or would I be turned to stone,
frozen, paralyzed in awe,
my need so great
the weight of it
keeps me anchored,
my throat tightening,
my tongue swells,
so speech will elude me?

He may turn away
if I am rooted,
and silent,
and I would not
be able to call him back.

Perhaps I can only
crumple to the ground
at his feet,
wanting him to hold me
quietly as I bury myself
against him,
unburden my heart,
and painfully he must watch
as I fall apart.

I hear a rustle
of movement
and hold my breath

but it is only a fox
upon the garden walk,
cunning, sly, it seems
to gaze upon me
with soulful knowing eyes.

At first there is sharp relief
then only crushing regret,
a bird signing my sorrows,
the wind cries with me……

and then unmistakably

a footstep.

The Wanderer & The Hermit

I wander lost
wearing smooth a path of stones,
leaving blood trails
for bread crumbs,
though I know there is no way back
from here.

I saw the White Rabbit
cloaked in black
he cast the bones to
read my past and future
leading me like a shadow
through the Suicide Forest.

The Red Queen of broken hearts,
paints her roses all in black,
she waits upon the other side
offering a pill or maybe the
knife.

A jester masquerades in the
Danse Macabre while the music
of the dead plays
and I searched to find
the stolen pieces of myself
like Osiris scattered to the wind.

You were The Hermit in the cave,
waiting patiently as a sage,
your hands knew how to heal
and you sewed my patchwork soul
together with threads of
your harp strings.

Angler Love

Where does this leave us?
The emptiness of me
and the fullness of you,
I struggle to find the balance,
devouring the stars you
sing down from the sky,
these dead lights,
they burn inside for a while,
lures in my eyes,
Angler like,
but perhaps I too am just
all darkness inside,
only wanting to consume,
to make you a fusion
of myself,
in that strange sort of
predatory romance
in which two bodies
become fused as one.
I know I may ask for too much,
more than any as a right
because this insatiable need
to quench my thirst
for you.

Out With The New In With The Old

I would say that I do not care about clothes, but strictly speaking that is not entirely true, I won’t just walk into any random store, and blindly pick the first thing off the rack without paying attention to what it is. I have my own personal aesthetic and style, so more accurately I should say I don’t care about fashion. I ware what I want to ware without thought to how others might perceive it or what brand it is from (though there are some brands I intentionally avoid, particularly those that advertise their brand names as logos on their clothing) but for the most part the only thing I take in consideration when buying clothes is if I like how it looks, how much it costs (i.e. if I can afford it and think it is reasonably priced, and does it fit.

But I don’t care about what is trendy, hip, “cool,” modern, designer names, what is in season. I pay no attention to modern fashion trends.

I am reading Wilderness Tips  a collection of short stories by Margret Atwood and in one of the stories there is a quite that “an interest in modern fashion is frivolity but an interest in past fashion is archaeology”

And I was struck by how ironically true this statement is and it is funny to think of in that way.

Many of us  (particularly those that do tend to live on the fringes of society as much as possible) view those that follow modern fashion trends and care about wearing what is in style, and only want to wear overly priced designer brands as being shallow, conformists, followers, mainstream, uninteresting.

While at the same time we romanticize and idealize vintage fashions and clothing reminiscent of historical fashions.

If someone where to display there knowledge of current fashion trends, it would not necessarily come off as making them sound particularly intelligent (not to say that I think anyone who follows fashion is uneducated and stupid, just that, that particular topic of discussion is not perceived as being of an intellectual nature).

On the other hand if someone were to show off their knowledge on Victorian fashion,  then they would be seen as being sophisticated and intellectual.

And I think that the other amusing thing about this is that vintage/historical fashions, when they where trendy within their time period where really just as silly, outlandish (and probably overpriced) and frivolous, as most of our modern fashions are perceived to be.

 

 

 

 

Why People in Zombie Movies Don’t Know What Zombies Are?

I am a big fan of The Walking Dead, and last night the sort of prequel/companion show to the The Walking Dead, called Fear The Walking Dead premiered and prior to the show there was a special Talking Dead preview of the new season for The Walking Dead, and they were talking about Fear The Walking Dead on the show and it will be interesting because the viewer will have more information than the characters on the show. And as a joke they said it is not as if the characters are going to be like “Hey didn’t you see The Walking Dead.”

And that did make me start to think. though The Walking Dead has made zombies far more popular than they used to be, zombies  and zombie movies have been around for a very long time of course purpose one of the most well known is Night of the Living Dead. In many of these zombie apocalyptic movies it seems as if the viewer is just supposed to accept the idea that in this modern time period the people within the movie/show simply have no concept of zombies at all. Never seen a zombie before, or read any zombie comic books or stories. Like zombies never existed in pop culture within this world. And everyone is just confused and baffled and cannot comprehend what is happening.

Even if logically it should not be possible, and I don’t believe in actual zombies if I happen to witness a person attack another person and attempt to eat them, then get shot, stabbed, hit by a car, or whatever, and get back up again, the first thing that is going to pop into my head is zombie. Then I am going to take it out like Michonne (because of course I always carry a katana with me, that is only common sense).

Ok I get that maybe most people don’t actually think that way.

But in one of these zombie shows, there should be at least one horror nerd who is like “shit, that is a zombie”  even if no one else believes him and they all think he is crazy, there should be someone who is like “Hey I know what is going on here”

Instead there just seems to be this presumption that prior to this event happening, the whole concept of zombies has never existed before.

The Solidness of Love

Your heart is earthworn
carved from stone,
lava flows in your veins,
wind whips through your eyes,
your skin has the solid
warmth of a sun-basked rock
and I want only to lie upon you,
to soak you in.

One Breath

Whisper upon my flesh
your hands reclaim my body
our breath becomes one.

The Sun & The Moon

Soft curves
veiled within
the mysteries
of the night,
elusive beauty,
dark hearts
beating wild
passion
like the running
of rare white stags.

Rigid lines,
offering stolid
comfort,
perseverance,
undeniable tangibility
something
to unresistingly
hold on to,
substantial,
constant as
the sun and
the earth.

My ADD Kitty

Ajani (my new little kitty) is starting to settle in now and he is not as shy any more, which means I have kitten pictures now. I do think that he is a bit ADD which is kind of cute. When playing with him, he gets very hyped up and than cannot make up his mind as to what he wants to do, he gets overwhelmed trying to play with five different things at once. I like to use old shoelaces to play with my cats, and so Ajani will chase that for a while and then run off to do something else, and then start pouncing in leaves, and climbing over cardboard boxes before remembering the string again and running back to chase it for a while. He is a bit like a little Springbok at times the way he does bounce and hop all around, and sometimes he will just pop straight up in the air.

Also when I first brought him home from the shelter I had some concerns about the fact that he seemed to be so skinny. I presumed that the shelter was taking care of him and when I got him he was in this room with several other kittens and there where dishes of food in there, but because he is so small and shy he might have been bullied away from the food by the other cats. I would be nervous picking him up and holding him because he seemed so tiny and fragile. But I happy to see that he already is starting to put on some weight and is starting to look more like a normal healthy little kitten.

 

 

Bulimia

Food offers nourishment,
and brings destruction,

whispering indulgence

at moments a comfort,
awakening nostalgia

guilty pleasures

creating regret,
shame, sickness,

to be fulfilled
and empty again.