He Painted Me Black

I drank the dregs
from his tarnished chalice,
felt it turn my insides black,
my heart became a rotten
core.

We had to devour one another
just to stay alive,
until there was nothing left
but hate and a hunger
only for the chaos.

But in my dreams,
when he left me but
an empty shell,
I saw a red door beckoning
me forth, I didn’t know
where it led,
but somewhere on the other side
it had to be better than this.

I crossed the threshold,
like Inanna’s descent,
stripped of the prisoners weeds
he cloaked me in,
naked as only myself
reborn within the rain.

From the rising mist
you emerged,
standing battle worn,
like a warrior with no home
to return to just looking
for something to hold on to.

And I shed the chains of a life
that left its marks imprinted
upon my soul, and nowhere
left to go.

Halloween Love Story

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I am a zombie for you,
I will choke upon your bones,
don’t mind if I grind down my teeth
while I suck your marrow out.

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I am a demon in disguise,
want to devour your soul,
I will start off slow,
lick it up, lick it down,
while you become
a part of me,
swallowing your eternities.

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I am just a vampire, baby,
and I want your blood
within my veins,
I will make you mine forever,
or you will be nobodies
never.

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I am only a monster,
want to place your
organs on my self,
your head on my wall,
and your heart in a jar.

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I am a mad scientist,
I will make you my
Frankenstein’s monster
and you will be bond to me
in life and death.

Don’t you know
Don’t you know
I will keep you in chains,
down in the basement
just to keep you mine,
there is no escape from this.

So just come to me
come to me
come to me

and I will make sure
it doesn’t hurt a bit.

Simple to make really good pasta sauce

I sort of half-invented this sauce, because for one thing I was going off a recipe which I then made some adaptations to and well I am probably not the first person every to come up this idea, but I was just kind of doing my own thing when I happened to make this really simple to make and crazy good pasta sauce.

I was using a Corn Carbonara  pasta recipe which I was improvising into a simpler form in order to use ingredients I already had on hand an repurpose some left overs. The original recipe called for using fresh corn on the cob, in which you removed the corn from the cob, and than did something with the corn cobs to get what they called “corn milk” to use within the sauce, and frying up some bacon and also adding some of the bacon fat from the grease into the sauce.  I would be using some left over ham I had from a previous dinner, and frozen corn which we usually have some of in the freezer. The recipe also called for using  fresh basil as a garnish which is just sprinkled on top of the dish when it is all put together.

So I knew my sauce would not have some of the strong flavors as that called for in the recipe lacking the bacon fat, and using frozen corn would not have as strong of a corn taste as fresh corn, and being that I am a huge fan of basil I decided to just throw the basil in the blender with the heavy cream that is used as base for the sauce, and some corn (I did not really measure out exactly how much corn I used but just dumped some in a dish, zapped it to defrost and added half of it in the blender for the sauce, and the other half would just be tossed in with the pasta and ham). And also a dash of salt and fresh ground pepper and puree it all together.

And with the basil added directly into the sauce and pureed with the cream and the corn it was really kick ass good. It had such a great basil flavor with just a hint of the corn, and now and than a touch of spice from the pepper.

 

Brunch Muffins

As I have mentioned before as much as they try to tell me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day I cannot warm up to it. I usually have very little if anything for breakfast, but I am a big fan of lunch though even so I usually don’t feel like having to do a lot of cooking which will that create a mess I will have to clean up before dinner, for lunch. I usually prefer something that is quick and easy to make but one thing I like to do on slow days when I know I don’t really have much I need to do or anywhere to go, I like to make muffins in the morning to serve as brunch/lunch and or a mid-afternoon snack.

This time around I decided to make a savory  ham and cheese muffin, because who does not like ham and melted cheese together in some form of bread or pastry? So I make the muffins in accordance with the recipe and when they are done and I try one, while they where perfectly decent, they did not taste bad, they were underwhelming. I felt that part of the problem is that unlike a sweet/deserty muffin they did not have the spices and sweetness that give them their flavor. The recipe did call for maple syrup or honey (I choose to use honey) which I suppose is meant to give it a little bit of sweetness and add flavor but I found it barely detectable. If and when I do make these again I think I will add a dash of something, either rosemary, thyme, or basil.

The other downside is that it just dawned on me that because of the ham they would have to be refrigerated. When I make sweet muffins I just leave them in a bowl on the kitchen table. It takes up space having to keep them in the fridge.

But later in the day I decided to have one for a snack and I thought because of the cheese it would be better if I zapped it for a few seconds first, and I have to say that reheated I thought they were actually better than when I first tried one, because they cooled off pretty quickly, so they are pretty tasty when you have them warm, but I still think they would benefit from a bit of herb for extra flavor.

The Druid’s Lover

I want to feel your Druid’s hands
upon my moon flesh,
sanctify me with the reverence
of your earth-bond caresses,
baptize me inside the stones
with your lips, your fingers
trace a runic Kama Sutra
inside of my thighs,
whisper your prayers
between my legs,
I shall kiss your Yew staff,
feel its power tremble
within my hand.
you spell out the Ogham
along my spine,
nourish your soul within
the warmth between my
mountain swells
as the Cosmic Mother
I will embrace you
wayward traveler,
and our limbs entwine
in the arcane knots,
where one end cannot
be distinguished from
another, but flows
endlessly both
a part and together

Sympathetic Love

Like the Black Witch
moth feasting upon
sorrow for sweet nectar
I would drink your tears
for nourishment.

As the Sumerian
Priestesses who take
upon themselves
their Queen’s birth pains,
moaning and groaning
at her door,
I would devour your
suffering as my sustenance.

I would inhale your sins,
like a Sin Eater
granting last rites
to those cast out,
take them into my soul,
and bare the burden
that blackens my heart,
granting you absolution.

I will walk through your
hell fires and carry
upon my body your scars,
because in the end
I know your love
will save me.

In the Eye of the Dragon

Put the stone
in the bone
because this
is where we live
in the land with
no man,
and the desert
rains in blood,
a raven’s cry
echos
as a feather
falls like another
lost angel,
but there are no
gods here,
only idols
carved from the dead,
were the ancestors
walk along
the spinal
edge,
the Speaking Demon
calls omens
down from the sky,
each word
a thorn
which grows
under the skin,
somewhere
in a dream
the blind seer
plucks them
out of her flesh
like planted
seeds,
a crown made
for the King of Death
who sits upon
the iron throne,
there are worlds beyond worlds
inside of worlds,
within the dragon’s
eye, who sees all
but knows
that knowing
is not the same
as doing,
and Brahma
inhales
and exhales
us in and
out of existence.

Love Me Black

You have dark secrets
they are burning
through your mind,
you want to set them
free but you are
too afraid.

Pour them down
my throat
like hot liquid
from the bottle,
turn the key
and lock them
in my heart,
you can bury
me alive
and I will take
your secrets
to the grave.

You know I would
die for you
if you tell me
that you love me,
let me be your
absolution
and your sacrifice.

I saw you standing
at the altar
while the rain
was pouring black,
walking over
dead flowers
I make my way
to you, till
life or death
they say so
let it be forever.

I would rather see
you dead than
watch you
walk away from me,
I hold the dagger
behind my back
the bouquet
in the other hand
you can choose
the fate we have
if only you kiss
me until my breath
gives way.

Edge of Madness

After the tragic mass shooting in Oregon the topic of Mental health has been brought up a lot, and how poorly it is really addressed in the U.S. and the stigma which still persists against mental health issues. Because of some of the struggles I have had with depression, anxiety, emotional trauma I was inspired to create my own representation of mental illness.  I see this as a self-portrait of the inside of my mind. All of the images our symbolic on multiple different levels.

*The images I used to create this piece are courtesy of Deviant Art stock artists. I do not claim ownership or rights over the original images used.  Credits to the stock artists can be found on me DA page: Edge of Madness

It is the End of the World As We Know It (and I got it in a Selfie)

The first time I actually saw someone out in public with one of those “Selfie” sticks  (I don’t know what they are actually called if anything, but I am going to go with “Hey look at am I am a douche bag”) you know those things which are made for people to mount their phones on to make it easier to take pictures of themselves the first thought which popped into my head was this is the downfall of civilization. This right here is what is wrong with the world, and the reason why we are going to go the way of Rome. If I had any musical talent, like Nero I would be the one playing the music while it all burns behind me.

Yes maybe I am being overly dramatic.

Before I venture further into the reasons why I think Selfies are the downfall of us all  I ave to first state that the very fact we actually have to give it a special name is moronic.  It is a self-portrait, so let us not act as if the notion of one taking a portrait of themselves has never existed prior to the invention of the cell phone.  Pretty since as long as man has had the ability to produce some form of image people have been taking “Selfies.” Rembrandt had been rocking the Selfie old school style.

Yeah I know smartphones with cameras make it more convenient for the everyday person to take spontaneous photos of themselves at any given moment. But still can we not act as if this is some sort of new concept that never existed before?

Now I half-jokingly refer to myself as being a Narcissist with a superiority complex. I am someone who believes that a certain amount of selfishness is a natural survival instinct, and makes perfectly logical sense, and is not something someone should be ashamed of.  I am not someone who can be shamed into humbleness. And I think that the Selfie is the epidemy of self-indulgence, self-gratification, and self-obsession.

If is as if because someone does not have pauperize following them around everywhere they go, they feel the need to act as their own paparazzi but get a clue if you have to do it yourself it is because no one actually cares what you are doing every minute of your life.

This is not exactly a Selfie but it is part of of that same sort of culture. There was this story on the news about this YouTube video this woman put up of her telling her husband that she was pregnant, after they had been trying to have a child for 17 years and have had miscarriages and a still birth.  (Why do I know this intimate personal information about the “private” life of strangers” ) So when she found out she was with child again she took a video and uploaded on the internet of her telling her husband and his reaction. Now most people think isn’t that touching and moving, and sweet, but I think, how in such a sacred moment could your very first thought be to set it up to make into a video to upload? It is as if everyone wants to make themselves the star of their own reality TV show.

I am a photographer, and I get that it is cool to want to take photos of really moments and experiences but there are moments in which I have intentionally chosen to leave my camera behind because I wanted to allow myself to simply just experience the moment, to feel it with all of my senses, to truly live it, and not to simply be worried about the next shot, or what would look cool. Because I think that once you have the camera it does stand between you and the moment, it makes you not the active participation, but an objective observer.

With the growing trend of people taking Selfies of themselves engaged in various monumental, one in a life time, amazing experiences like skydiving, running with the bulls, mountain climbing, whatever, or taking Selfies during extremely intimate moments like the Selfies right after sex thing that was popular for a while, the people become so obsessed with simply wanting to have the photo of themselves to show off to all their Facebook friends, that they are not truly living the moment to its full potential they care more about the bragging rights and trying to prove how awesome and cool they are then about the experience itself.